AC: Joe sitting here as we are beside your Olympic-sized swimming pool I’m reminded that you are a staggeringly wealthy man. Just how rich are you?
JS: Listen kid. Lets get one thing straight. I don’t know. My accountant knows. Hell, my ex-wife certainly goddamned well knows. But I don’t. Yeah it’s a lot. A hell of a lot. A goddamned hell of a lot actually. But I never talk money anyway. There’s only two kinds of people I talk money with; movie makers and hookers.
AC: Your wealth is based entirely on the fact that your films are so supremely successful. Why do you think they are so popular?
JS: I’ve been doing this for thirty years. I’ll tell you what I’ve learned. It’s real simple. In fact get a piece of paper write it down and maybe one day you’ll be as successful as me. Ready?
AC: Yes.
JS: Then I’ll tell you. I give people what they want. See? I told you it was simple. I give people movies they wanna come and see. That’s it. Bottom line.
AC: But surely there’s more to it then that? What about the scripts or the acting?
JS: Forget all that. Forget all the film school crap. Did you go to film school?
AC: Yes. Yes I did.
JS: I knew it! The moment I set eyes on you I said, "film school". I don’t know what the hell they do to you guys. It’s like a goddamned concentration camp. You come out scarred for life. Anyway forget everything they told you there. It’s all worthless. Give the people what they want. That’s the key. Let me put it like this; MacDonalds sell a lot of burgers, right?
AC: I suppose so. What’s this got do with film though?
JS: Quiet film school, you’re learning here. Anyway like I said MacDonalds sell a lot of burgers. But they don’t sell burgers made of dogs do they?
AC: Well obviously they don’t.
JS: But they would if people wanted them to. See? Give the people what they want. They don’t make burgers made out of dogs then don’t sell them. Except in Korea. They go nuts for a MacDog burger with cheese. But that’s Korea for ya.
AC: You have had some criticism though. Joe Queenan wrote an article in Movieline magazine entitled ‘Joe Silverman is single-handedly destroying Hollywood (and he’s a gigantic asshole too)’
JS: Joe Queenan can kiss my extensive backside. I listen to the chink of the cash registers in cinemas. I don’t take any advice from dickless pen pushers. No offence.
AC: None taken. But what about the accusation that your kind of high-concept, highly simplistic approach to storytelling is largely responsible for the dumbing down of Hollywood?
JS: That’s bullshit. Hollywood always was a stupid town. It was originally called Hollywoodland for Christ’s sake. How clever a name is that?
AC: But shouldn’t you be trying to fight against that stupidity? Instead you seem to be encouraging it.
JS: Look at my great big house one more time and then tell me how stupid I am. I make films in which girls get naked and cars blow up. I don’t pretend to make some huge artistic statement. I’m not Martin Scorsese. Look at Francis Ford Coppolla. He used to make that kind of crap until he couldn’t get any more work and he was forced to make crap like ‘Jack’ and ‘Peggy Sue Got Married’. The difference is people come to see my films. How many people saw ‘Jack’?
AC: You’ve also been accused of wringing every last drop of creativity from your films by making an endless chain of sequels.
JS: Listen film school, you just don’t get it do you? If people want more I give ‘em more. Do MacDonalds turn you away if you want a second burger? No. They keep stuffing you full until you don’t want any more. It’s the same with films. We’ve just finished shooting ‘Lethal Action 9: Pension Day’. I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that it’s as good as the first one.
AC: Leonard Maltin called the first one "moronic in the extreme".
JS: Leonard Maltin has a two inch dick. He never shouts about that though does he?
AC: But ‘Lethal Action 9’ is credited with having fourteen writers working on it. Weren’t you just trying to cover the fact that the script is just a lazy re-hash of old ideas?
JS: There’s no such thing as an old idea. There’s just old ideas told in a way that seems new. The reason that we had fourteen writers was that we wanted every single sequence in the film to be the best that we could do. Sometimes a writer will only contribute one line to the finished script. One guy only wrote one word for us.
AC: What word was that?
JS: I believe the word was "shit".
AC: You’ve always been an innovator. You were one of the first major producers to make a Hollywood movie in Australia. Why was that?
JS: People talk about economics. They talk about tax breaks. That’s a crock of crap. The reason I went to Australia was because it’s a country that’s going places. Britain is finished. I tried making a movie in Britain once. Jesus. Do you know that you’re eight hours behind LA? What kind of two-bit, one-horse town is eight hours behind LA? I’m surprised you’ve even got electricity. Now Australia, they’re a whole day ahead of the States. Imagine that. They’re living in the future. It takes some brass balls to be ahead of America my friend.
AC: Joe Silverman, thank you.
